The Gang Buys a Boat

"The Gang Buys a Boat"
Information
Season	Six
Episode	Three
Writer(s)	Charlie Day & Rob McElhenney
Director(s)	Randall Einhorn
Air Date	September 30, 2010
Chronology
Preceded by	"Dennis Gets Divorced"
Followed by	"Mac's Big Break"

"The Gang Buys a Boat" is the third episode of the sixth season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Synopsis

The gang attempts to find adventure on the sea after they purchase their 'new' boat.

Recap

10:00 AM, On a Saturday, Philadelphia, PA

Mac, Dennis and Charlie meet with a salesman to buy a boat, having just recently come into some cash ($2500) with the success of dicktowel.com (which they're keeping on the hush-hush). Mac and Dennis want a P-Diddy style party boat, while Charlie wants a Forrest Gump style shrimping vessel. Mac also insists he has an inherent 'need for speed'. Instead of a speedy "P-Diddy style shrimping vessel" the salesman introduces them to The Drowning Sailor, a houseboat which the Gang quickly purchases due to their incredibly short attention spans.

The Gang meets at the dock to examine their new houseboat. While Charlie and Frank are excited about shrimping Mac and Dennis infer that it's only a very small part of why they bought the boat. Mac, Dee, and Dennis go inside to check the decor, where Dee demonstrates her P-Diddy boat dance. Mac comments that she dances like an inflatable dancing tube man from a used car lot. After a short argument, Dennis tells Dee that it's her job to get rid of all stuff inside the boat since she didn't invest any money in this venture.

Charlie and Frank are loading up their fishing gear when Mac and Dennis exit the boat telling them to stop what they're doing and begin scraping the barnacles off the boat. As Mac and Dennis leave, Charlie and Frank patronize Mac when he declares himself the Captain of the boat. Frank and Charlie are about to set sail while Mac and Dennis go to the boat store for supplies. Frank accidentally tosses the keys into the water, prompting Charlie to dive in after them.

Mac and Dennis buy supplies at the boat store, running low on Dick Towel money, before Dennis reveals his true purpose for buying the boat; a way to seduce women who won't refuse "because of the implication." Mac gets confused at the dark nature of the subject as the "implication" sounds an awful lot like rape on the open ocean should the ladies refuse. Dennis gets frustrated when Mac doesn't accept that the women won't be in any real danger.

Charlie resurfaces without the keys, but with a collection of assorted items which he believes could be relics from an ancient "horse massacre." In reality, the relics are garbage Dee has been dumping overboard from inside the boat as she cleans. Frank enters and suggests that they gut the boat by breaking everything with a sledge hammer. While smashing the boat with the sledge hammer Frank damages an outlet near the floor causing it to spark.

Mac and Dennis return, with Dennis still trying to convince Mac about the subject of "the implication." They angrily arrive at the boat to discover that Frank and Dee have trashed the place, when they're suppose to be fixing it. Mac holds a crew meeting only to discover that Charlie has been picking up Dee's trash and has lost the keys to the boat. Mac and Dennis get upset at the prospect of having to rent scuba equipment for Charlie to use to find the keys.

Mac and Dennis return to the boat store. Mac notices a flyer outside the store for a dock party. Dennis agrees that attending the party would be a good way to get into the nautical lifestyle, then complains about how much money they're spending.

Back at the boat, Mac has bought an inflatable tube man which annoys Dee while she's painting the boat. Frank gets fed up too, until Charlie comes back with big news. Before Charlie can make his announcement, Dennis and Mac arrive to get ready for the dock party. Dee, Frank and Charlie are angry because Mac and Dennis expect them to work on the boat while they go to a party. Mac and Dennis leave for the party then Charlie reveals that he has found the boat keys.

Mac and Dennis arrive at the dock party only to find that the crowd is not what they expected (a group of barnacle covered, sunburned men playing poker). Mac, speculating that the party guests might have interesting tales of sea adventure, asks one with a hook for a hand how he was injured. After learning that his his hand was lost through diabetes, they decide to leave the party only to have the host (Ray) stop them. Ray implies that the party is just getting warmed up, and they'll have a couple of 'tasty treats' when they got out onto the open sea. Mac and Dennis assume that they themselves are in fact the 'tasty treats'. Much to their relief, a group of stripper-like girls board the boat, and it becomes obvious that these are the actual 'tasty treats'.

Frank, Charlie, and Dee have set sail on the river. Dee is learning a few dance moves from the inflatable tube man while Frank cooks up some toxic catfish and Charlie fiddles with the broken scuba equipment. Dennis calls Charlie and says that the 3 of them must leave the boat so he and Mac can bring back their dates...two of the 'tasty treats'. Charlie patronizes them and hangs up. Having given up on the scuba equipment, Charlie tosses it inside the boat and it hits the electrical outlet that Frank broke earlier. The outlet sparks again and the boat catches on fire. Charlie, Frank and Dee quickly scramble to abandon ship.

Dennis and Mac arrive at the dock with their dates, where Mac says, the girls "can make rash decisions based on fear," (embracing Dennis' philosophy which he had up until now challenged) only to discover that the boat is gone and the rest of the Gang is crawling out of the water. When Dennis and Mac asks what happened, Charlie points to the massive inferno burning out on the river. Charlie intimates that the Drowning Sailor was a terrible investment as the burning boat sinks and the inflatable tube man bursts into flames.

Cast

Starring

• Charlie Day as Charlie Kelly
• Glenn Howerton as Dennis Reynolds
• Rob McElhenney as Mac
• Kaitlin Olson as Dee Reynolds
• Danny DeVito as Frank Reynolds

Guest Starring

• Seth Morris as Ted Sally
• Don Swayze as Ray

Co-Starring

• Tony Rivard as Handless Guy

Trivia

• There actually are edible varieties of barnacles, in particular the goose barnacle, though they are difficult to harvest and eat. However, Dennis and Mac are probably correct to not want to eat barnacles from the Delaware River.
• Dennis later tests his "implication" in the Season 11 episode "The Gang Goes to Hell."
• The Dick Towel was first shown in the episode "Paddy's Pub: Home of the Original Kitten Mittens." At the end of that episode, The Lawyer gained all merchandising rights for Paddy's Pub (because The Gang signed a contract with him without reading it.) This may explain why they want to keep the money from the Dick Towel "hush-hush."
• The boat used in the episode belonged to Danny DeVito.^{[citation needed]}
• Charlie previously mentioned his tendency to make bad investments in "Gun Fever".
• Once again displayed is Charlie's ability to hold his breath for several minutes, first shown in "Dennis Looks Like a Registered Sex Offender".