"The Gang Solves The Bathroom Problem" is the sixth episode of the thirteenth season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
2:00 AM, on a Friday, Philadelphia, PA
The Gang discusses Jimmy Buffet when Mac comes out of the women's bathroom, and she and and Mac begin to argue, with Mac strangling Dee. Dennis tells them to calm down and proclaims they will stay and figure this out.
Mac starts, arguing he should be allowed to use the women's bathroom since as gay man he is more comfortable around women since they, too, like men and find women's bodies disgusting. The Gang starts to agree but Dee interrupts them. She contends that not all women like men, for example lesbians, and that she finds Mac disgusting and doesn't want him in her toilet. While she wouldn't mind a trans woman using her toilet, Mac is still a man though he doesn't have the right. Mac doesn't get what Dee's problem is since he has been pooping next to her for weeks. Dee doesn't get what he means, but Mac tells her he recognizes her and that she always wears these pink heels, however, Dee claims she doesn't own pink heels. Charlie hems and haws, admitting he can explain this.
He claims he secretly goes to the women's toilet as it's cleaner and quieter, putting women's shoes on as disguise. But as it turns out, he also puts on a dress and a wig. He denies being a cross dresser though, explaining when he was kid his mother didn't want him to go to the men's toilet on his own, so she gave him girl's clothes to go to the toilet together. Now Charlie can't poop unless he is dressed as a woman. Dennis claims since Dee would let a trans women use the bathroom she shouldn't have a problem with Charlie, as he identifies as woman in the moment of pooping. Dee (rightly) says Dennis is only saying this since the women's bathroom is much more nicer. Dennis denies this, claiming the whole system of gendered toilet is antiquated. Everyone but Dee votes for unisex toilets.
Dennis puts a sign on the toilets, depicting a baby symbol, disabled symbol, and a blend of the man and woman sign, but the rest thinks it's too confusing (for different reasons). Mac claims he has a solution, he just needs to go online for a bit. He comes back with a picture of a lot of dicks as well as roadkill and roast beef which accurately depict what a vagina looks like according to Mac - which leaves everyone else disturbed and uncomfortable. It's Frank and Charlie's turn next. Their sign shows the male symbol, the female symbol, a mix of the male and female symbols for the intersex - the he/she's as Frank's calls him - , the peace symbol, the symbols for Christianity and Islam respectively as well as a dollar sign, meaning to symbolize Judaism. Dennis questions why they have to bring religion up and Frank answers he wants to know who uses the toilets in order to feel safe. Dee comments that all of this is stupid, arguing the easiest solution would be to just put signs saying toilets up. The Gang is happy and they are about to leave when Dee stays back to go to the toilet. Seeing she is intending to use the former men's bathroom since "she wants to do some real damage", Frank realizes he doesn't want to share his bathroom with women, forcing everyone to stay back.
Frank suggest the men should be allowed to use whatever toilet they want while Dee needs to stay in hers, which everyone but Dee agrees to. Dee protests, arguing they don't have the right to take her choice away - according to the constitution it is her body and therefor her choice. Mac starts to get going about the bible but Dennis interrupts them as they have veered off the topic again.
Charlie suggest using the different toilets for different bodily functions: the clean one for peeing and the dirty one for pooing. Mac protests since no one can shit while everyone else is shitting since it's a shameful act. This system would invite abuse since everyone would shit in the piss room, which everyone agrees they would do. Dennis suggests putting the partition all the way down for more privacy, Dee's throws in the idea of a scented candle and Mac want to add music so that they would be more comfortable pooping in the right room.
They get cardbord boxes to add to the partition, a scented candle and play a tape of screaming noises for the poop toilet. Charlie, Dee, Mac and Dennis all agree this is a great idea and works very well. As it turns out Frankie carries a gun while on the toilet in order to feel safe which makes Dee uncomfortable. Frank claims he has the right to defend himself according to the constitution, but reluctantly admits under Dee's scrutiny that he hasn't actually read it.
Frank then googles the constitution. He claims it says that a slave is only worth 3/5 of a person. Following the constitution, the white landowners get a full bathroom while the rest get three fifths, meaning they have to use the sink. Mac brings up reparations: since minorities have been oppressed for so long, they should have their own bathroom. He suggest putting up the sign "minorities only" and "no minorities allowed". The rest think this is a great idea until Dee realizes this would mean sharing her bathroom with only Mac, excluding the other men. Dennis, realizing the deciding vote is up to Charlie, makes a sandwich metaphor (which convinces even Mac and Dee), essentially saying it wouldn't make sense to vote for something benefiting a minority one isn't a part of. Mac then claims that it is society's duty to look out what benefits its most vulnerable. Though Charlie is not taking in anything what Mac has said, he is now on their side.
Just as they are about to vote, Frank interrupts. Looking up the demographics of Philly, he notes that women, blacks and Christians each make up more than 50%, making white men the minority, so Dennis turns Mac argument on him. After clearing up this would mean Charlie would get the good bathroom as he is a "minority", Dennis, Frank and Charlie vote for them to get the clean bathroom, proclaiming "finally a win for white straight guys." Mac and Dee, however, refuse to go see Buffet with them after this. Without them it doesn't make sense, so the Gang stays at the bar, drinking beers.
Mac eventually comments that they might be different in a lot of ways, but on the toilet everyone's the same. Everyone agrees, with Charlie saying how stupid it was to make everyone comfortable when everyone is uncomfortable shitting with someone around, and Frank saying they are all animals in the shithouse, really. Dee tries to say something meaningful but is shot down, like always. Dennis puts up a sign saying Animal Shithouse and they go to Buffet's concert after all.
- Charlie Day as Charlie Kelly
- Glenn Howerton as Dennis Reynolds
- Rob McElhenney as Mac
- Kaitlin Olson as Dee Reynolds
- Danny DeVito as Frank Reynolds
- The Gang Solves the Bathroom Problem is a "Bottle Episode", taking place entirely within Paddy's Pub.
- It is also one of the few episodes to feature no other characters beyond the gang.
- This is the first appearance of Paddy's women's restroom; it is shown to be much cleaner than the men's restroom. However, it was implied to be cleaner in earlier episodes (Charlie Work).
- This is the fifth episode where the word "fuck" is not censored in the original airing, after "Making Dennis Reynolds a Murderer", "Hero or Hate Crime?", "The Gang Makes Paddy's Great Again", and "The Gang Gets New Wheels".
- Charlie reveals he has cross dressed in order to poop since he was a small child, stemming frim his mother cross-dressing him in order to go the toilet together.
- Frank is incorrect about the Constitution saying "freed slaves are three-fifths of a person." It's actually the opposite: in the Three-Fifths Compromise, it was determined that three out of every five slaves in a state that allowed slavery would be counted when determining legislative representation. It was invalidated by the abolition of slavery with the 13th Amendment. However, he was also correct about his right to defend himself being in the Constitution; the only such claim made correctly in the episode.
|—||“I didn't know she was gonna smash in there! A woman is not a lady when she's dumping up a john.”|
|—||“I beg you to stop using the Constitution in the way that you're using it.”|
|—||“Dee... we were just talking, and you just barged right in, interrupting and talking nonsense.”|
|“Yeah, shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.”||—|
|Season 13 Episodes|