"The Gang Squashes Their Beefs" is the tenth episode of the ninth season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
When some bad blood with old foes compromises their ideal Thanksgiving, the gang decides to make amends by breaking bread with those they've hurt.
1:00 PM on a Wednesday
Dennis and Mac are in a video store, about to rent the extended version of Thunder Gun Express. It's all part of their plan for Thanksgiving: eating hoagies and watching the movie (which features even more dong than the original, of course).
When they try to pay for the rental, they learn the video store now belongs to Liam and Ryan McPoyle, who just bought it so they could "invest in an emerging market." Liam is wearing a flesh-colored eye patch over his eye (which he reminds them was eaten at his wedding). Due to this, and the many other complaints they have against them, they refuse to rent the DVD to Dennis and Mac, and cut up their membership card.
Back at Paddy's, Charlie and Frank are bundled up in warm clothing. It's revealed that they're having a standoff with their landlord Hwang: they won't pay the rent until the heat in their apartment is fixed, but the Hwang won't fix the heat until they pay the rent. Dee has bought hoagies for their Thanksgiving meal, but they reek of gasoline. She reveals she bought them at a gas station, and not WaWa as she usually would, because now Gail the Snail works there and they have "mad beef."
The Gang realizes the many "beefs" they have built up over the years are starting to hurt them. Dennis tells them they need to have a Thanksgiving dinner "to squash those beefs."
On Thanksgiving, in Mac and Dennis' apartment, the plan is revealed: Mac and Dennis will squash the beef with the McPoyles, Dee will squash her beef with Gail The Snail, and Frank and Charlie will squash theirs with their landlord. Mac then springs a surprise on them: he's invited Bruce Mathis so Dee and Dennis can squash their beef with him. No one else seems happy about this. Dennis shows a "peace treaty" he's going to have everyone sign. The others show overly literal interpretations of the concept of "squashing beefs": Charlie is actually making squash and beef for dinner, Mac has brought a hatchet and a pail full of dirt to "bury the hatchet", Dee has brought a blackboard to "wipe the slate clean."
Hwang shows up first, immediately demanding food. They put on music, but rather than a party, it just sort of turns into Hwang and the McPoyles standing around awkwardly. Dee tries to "break the ice", but is horrified by the fact that Liam has made his eye patch even worse by putting a drawing of an eye on it. Rickety Cricket shows up, saying that the "word around town" is that the gang is squashing beefs, but The Gang is completely unaware of what sort of beef he'd have with them. Cricket begs to stay, and Dennis gets him to sign a peace treaty.
Mac and Dennis start trying to squash the beef with the McPoyles, presenting them with a present, which turns out to be the peace treaty. Liam says he won't sign it until he gets an eye, or, at least, an apology. Dennis and Mac decide they'd rather try to get him an eye than apologize.
Gail The Snail shows up, and her demand to squash the beef is that Dee be her “best friend” — at least for the day. Dee agrees.
The standoff continues between Charlie and Frank and Hwang, their landlord. Frank and Hwang appear to bond a bit on their agreement that doctors are “shit”, and Charlie works out a compromise: they’ll pay half the rent, Hwang will fix the heat, then they’ll pay the other half. Frank refuses the deal, though, showing Hwang that he has the full month’s rent — and then setting the money on fire, actually throwing the burning money at Hwang.
Mac and Dennis try to talk Cricket into giving up an eye. After that, it sounds like Bruce has arrived, but it turns out to be the “random guy” whose car they blew up in their previous attempt to blackmail Bruce. The Random Guy thinks his kids are there, so they have to let him in.
Then Bill Ponderosa shows up. He too thinks that his kids are there, but when he finds out they’re not, he’s relieved, because that means he can get “shithoused.” When Dee is horrified to see him there, Mac and Dennis explain they invited him to shift blame for Liam losing his eye to him.
Dinner is served. Dennis makes a speech about how Thanksgiving is about making peace, and presents them with the peace treaty. They start by asking Bill if he has anything he wants to admit, and he starts by admitting he broke into Dee’s apartment to sniff her panties. Dennis tells the McPoyles he’s the one who put the bath salts in the punchbowl at his wedding. Bill says he doesn’t remember that, but does remember Frank telling him he should get “shithoused” at the wedding. This shifts the blame for Liam’s lost eye to Frank.
The Random Guy asks about his kids, and when Dee asks who he is, it’s again revealed that they blew up his car. He demands a new car, but after he tells them he lost his kids due to his drug habit, Bill helpfully offers a bump, which he accepts.
The dinner starts to descend into chaos, with everyone yelling over each other, and finally ending up in a food fight. Liam grabs the hatchet to throw at Frank, but it misses and hits Cricket in the arm. They then realize that the money Frank set on fire has set Mac’s room on fire.
So they flee the apartment, sealing everyone inside (though Dennis does at least state there’s a fire escape.) They decide to just ignore their beefs and not face their problems: they’ll just buy the DVD of Thunder Gun Express, and go to a different WaWa, and use blankets to keep them warm in Frank and Charlie’s apartment. It ends with the sounds of their guests discovering the apartment is on fire — we hear them breaking a window and finding the fire escape, but we hear Cricket is left behind, begging for someone to help him. Happy Thanksgiving everybody!
- Charlie Day as Charlie Kelly
- Glenn Howerton as Dennis Reynolds
- Rob McElhenney as Mac
- Kaitlin Olson as Dee Reynolds
- Danny DeVito as Frank Reynolds
- Jimmi Simpson as Liam McPoyle
- Nate Mooney as Ryan McPoyle
- Shelly Desai as Hwang
- David Hornsby as Cricket
- Mary Lynn Rajskub as Gail The Snail
- Zachary Knighton as Random Guy
- Lance Barber as Bill Ponderosa
- The fact that the "random guy" shows up for dinner when The Gang meant to invite Bruce Mathis is a callback to the episode "The Gang Solves the Gas Crisis", in which "bad intel" lead The Gang to think he was Bruce Mathis, leading them to bug his apartment and eventually destroy his car.
- Gail's propensity for giving older men handjobs under the table -- and to "mash it" while doing so -- was established in the episode "The Gang Gives Frank an Intervention."
- The incident in which Liam lost his eye occurred in "The Maureen Ponderosa Wedding Massacre."
- Dennis has demanded people sign "weird documents" in the episodes "The Maureen Ponderosa Wedding Massacre", and "The Storm of the Century."
- In the 10th season episode "The Gang Spies Like U.S.", it's confirmed that Mac and Dennis' apartment was destroyed in the fire, and they are now living with Dee.
- Cocaine was also referred to as "nose clams" in the episode "The Gang Gets Whacked (Part 1)."
|Liam||—||“I'm not signing shit until I get an eye. You owe me.”|
|Ryan||—||“Give him your eye.”|
|“You want me to give him my eye? You realize how preposterous that is?”||—|
|Liam||—||“Okay, then apologize. [...] All you have to do is apologize, and I'll sign it.”|
|“Give us a second.”||—|
|“All right. How are we going to get this eye?”||—|
|“I don't know.”||—|
|Season 9 Episodes|
| 1. "The Gang Broke Dee"|
2. "Gun Fever Too: Still Hot"
3. "The Gang Tries Desperately to Win an Award"
4. "Mac and Dennis Buy a Timeshare"
5. "Mac Day"
|6. "The Gang Saves the Day"|
7. "The Gang Gets Quarantined"
8. "Flowers for Charlie"
9. "The Gang Makes Lethal Weapon 6"
10. "The Gang Squashes Their Beefs