Customers pack Paddy's on Valentine's Day; Dennis implores the gang to do one day of actual work, but a mystery crate that Mac spots in the alley distracts everyone.
11:00 AM on Valentine's Day, Philadelphia, PA
Paddy's Pub is busy with customers and Dennis is asking Charlie for help while Charlie is busy yelling at Frank about Jerry, who is revealed to be a tapeworm inside Frank. Dennis becomes frustrated and wants them to just do their jobs well for once because the bar is very busy. A woman named Dottie sitting on the side of the bar makes a joke and Dennis, Frank, and Charlie become distracted and start chanting "Dee", the woman's nickname. Dee walks in happy to hear the chant but quickly becomes angry that they are calling another woman Dee. Mac then walks in to tell The Gang that he's found a mysterious unopened crate outside the bar. Curious of the contents, Charlie, Dee and Frank quickly follow Mac to investigate the crate but Dennis demands they stay inside and do their jobs.
Shortly after, Mac is checking the IDs of customers, Charlie is sweeping, Dee is serving drinks, Dennis is bartending, and Frank is using the computer. Mac then asks Dennis if they can go check out the crate now and Dennis refuses and tells him to go back to work. Dennis asks Frank to clear the lines when he notices the soda gun is clogged, but Frank just thinks he should trick Charlie into doing it. Dennis also asks Charlie for the favor who thinks he trick Dee or Mac into doing it. Dee then walks up to Dennis and asks him for two shots of whiskey, which pleases Dennis who initially thinks they are for customers but she ends up drinking them herself. Dennis asks her to clear the lines but she changes the subject to her anger at Charlie for not giving her anything in return for the Valentine she made for him.
Rickety Cricket then walks into the bar asking if he can smoke PCP in the bathroom, which is encouraged by Charlie, Mac, Dee and Frank but repulses Dennis and customers. Dennis angrily asks Charlie and Mac to clean up the "yuck puddle" in the bathroom, Dee and Frank to finally clear the lines, and for all of them to just do their jobs which they reluctantly obey.
As Charlie and Mac clean the "yuck puddle" in the bathroom they discuss Dennis' behavior and wonder why he is asking them to work so hard, which Mac thinks is because he's gay which makes Dennis uncomfortable, but Charlie responds saying that doesn't make sense because Dennis has known that for a long time. Mac then thinks that Dennis wants them to talk through their personal issues and be more open with their feelings because it's Valentine's Day, a day dedicated to feelings (which Dennis doesn't have according to Mac). Charlie interrupts Mac's train of thought, expressing his worry that Frank is going to leave him for Jerry. Mac advises Charlie that if he pretends to like the worm [Jerry] Frank will get rid of it. Charlie then runs out of the room saying he has a great idea.
As Dee and Frank attempt to clear the lines they also wonder why Dennis is acting different and caring so much about the bar's success. Like Mac, Dee thinks that Dennis wants them to work through their personal issues because it's Valentine's Day. She continues by complaining that Charlie did not give her anything in return for her Valentine but Frank interrupts her by saying he gave himself Jerry [the tapeworm] on purpose to lose weight.
In the back office Charlie is making a Valentine. Dee walks in angry but becomes pleased when she thinks the Valentine is for her, she becomes angry again when she realizes that Charlie is making the Valentine for Frank and his tapeworm, Jerry. Frank walks in and Charlie presents him the Valentine and a box of chocolates, the chocolates that were originally given to Charlie by Dee. Charlie maniacally laughs at them eating the chocolates and reveals that they are full of "bye-bye Jerry pills". Dee and Frank walk out of the office spitting and yelling about poison, Charlie follows yelling about the worm. This causes most of the customers to leave and makes Dennis furious. Frank admits to Charlie that he gave himself the tapeworm on purpose to lose weight, which leaves Charlie and Frank agree to get the worm out when Charlie states that Frank's weight didn't bother him. Dee then walks in with a bag of anthrax (which is later revealed to just be powdered sugar) and demands Charlie give her a Valentine. Charlie sings her a Valentine's Day song, which causes them to fight when Dee calls the song pathetic and recalls how she manipulated Charlie into singing it. The situation leaves Dennis yelling at them in anger because they ruined an opportunity for them to run a successful business together, although Charlie, Dee, and Frank are still convinced that his feelings are geared towards something else.
At this point the bar is almost completely empty of customers and Mac appears wheeling in the crate. Mac urges Dennis to open the crate, and he obeys in frustration. When he opens the crate Dennis finds a rocket-propelled grenade, a gift Mac got for Dennis off the dark web.
- Charlie Day as Charlie Kelly
- Glenn Howerton as Dennis Reynolds
- Rob McElhenney as Mac
- Kaitlin Olson as Dee Reynolds
- Danny DeVito as Frank Reynolds
Guest starring Edit
- Burnie Burns from Rooster Teeth Productions has a small appearance as one of the customers.
- This is one of the very rare occasions where we see The Gang actually doing their jobs at the bar: Dennis as the bartender, Dee as the waitress, Mac as security, Charlie as the janitor, Frank as the manager.
- The episode is dedicated to Glenn Howerton's father-in-law Bob Latiano who passed away in 2016.
- The entire episode takes place in the bar.
- Cricket's appearance in this episode is later seen from his perspective in "A Cricket's Tale".
- Dennis makes a reference to the episode "Underage Drinking: A National Concern" when he asks Mac to check customer's IDs "so we don't get another underage drinking situation on our hands".
- This episode takes place on Tuesday, February 14, 2017.
- Charlie: All right, fine. Can you just tell him to get lost, then? And then we'll go back to the way things were.
- Dennis: Who?
- Charlie: Jerry.
- Dennis: The worm?
- Charlie: Yeah.
- Dennis: It's an intestinal parasite incapable of complex thought.
- Dottie: You just described my ex-husband.
- Frank: You didn't think I was too fat?
- Charlie: Well no, you were fat as shit pal but I loved you that way Frank. Fat and crabby.
|Season 12 Episodes|
|1. "The Gang Turns Black"|
2. "The Gang Goes to a Water Park"
3. "Old Lady House: A Situation Comedy"
4. "Wolf Cola: A Public Relations Nightmare"
5. "Making Dennis Reynolds a Murderer"
|6. "Hero or Hate Crime?"|
8. "The Gang Tends Bar"
9. "A Cricket's Tale"
10. "Dennis' Double Life"